A Story

I'm now at the lowest point in this rollercoaster ride we call life. Let me start from about a year ago, It was my friend "A's" graduation party and I met his friend "B" and she was a girl different from others I've met. Fast forwarding a bit I had a friend "C" who me and friend A knew since middle school but he just dissapeared by the end of middle school and we haven't heard from him since. But we found each other online and Friend A's birthday was coming up so me and him thought we should have C and B over to hang out, so we went through with that and it went off pretty well so I wanted to make this a weekly thing and I just referred to it as "the hangout" so we did hangout for the next few weeks on and off but then the holidays were coming up so we took a break and just spent time apart from one another. But i stayed in contact with friends B and C online and we even went on to using Skype and AIM. So after the holidays we once again did the hangouts on and off but at my house instead. But all of our schedules just kept getting busier so it would either just be all of us together or A would be left out or C would be left out but at some times it would be just me and B. What was the weird thing was that one dream I had one night was that myself B and C were hanging out and they both started talking to each other, then they started kissing which left me in an awkward position, shortly after they realized I saw them and I asked if they were dating, they looked at one another and replied "no, no we're not dating". And I would also have other dreams of friend B in the hospital. Well, going back to the story, at the time we all would hang out once every few times I would talk to B and C almost every night online but C just stopped talking to me in general, he offered no explanation, He just blatantly started ignoring me. I would try to contact him wishing that he is doing well but he would simply just not comply. So it was just me and B who would talk online, now fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and one night we talked about the subject of relationships and she was saying that she was really liking this guy she has been seeing for some time, and once I heard that I was really happy for her and I asked for the guys name but she didn't want me to know, but now I realize I wasn't respecting her privacy and kept persisting so she did give me a name and like a fucking idiot I asked for a picture of some sort and she said her mom was calling so I said alright but then she logs off after a few minutes. So I didn't think much of it, but shortly after I discovered that she had blocked me and friend C did as well. So it became obvious that they were dating. I sent an e-mail of apology to B for not respecting her privacy and I literally begged to please don't ignore me like C has. And at the night of that event I literally cried myself to sleep, but the next morning I wrote another e-mail to B explaining that I realize both her and C need their time together and that as much as it pained me, I'll leave them alone. That following week was nothing but hell for me, all I could think about was the times we all had together, I guess you can say It was putting me through depression. Now It's been some time since I haven't heard anything from B or C but I am still good friends with friend A and right now he's the only good friend I have left. He doesn't know that they're dating and I'm not really sure if I should tell him. Almost everyday I miss them, friends C and B. I still haven't really established why they blocked me but didn't block friend A. It seems as though they just want to forget that we were ever friends at one point and I myself am trying to do that as well but every now and then I catch myself thinking about them. The relation we all had left an impact on me. I never had any romantic thoughts of B because I knew it would just ruin the friendship we had. I never wanted to jeopardize what we had, I wanted to be friends with them for the next 5-10 years, hell even for the rest of our lives. But those thoughts went down the drain that night, I know that everyone has to go through a major loss at least once in their lifetime. But I didn't think it would hurt this much. And I never thought that it would be them I would lose. I don't know, I felt the need to ventilate this out somewhere so others can hear this story and might even learn from it, who knows. So I guess I'll end this post with the last quote I wrote to her when I was saying goodbye.


Who's gonna save my soul now?
Who's gonna save my soul now?
I wonder if I'll live to grow old now
Getting high cause I feel so alone now
And maybe it's a little selfish
All I have is the memory
Yet I never stopped to wonder
Was it possible you were hurting worse than me
Still my hunger turns to greed
Cause what about what I need...

Who's gonna save my soul now?
Who's gonna save my soul now?
I know I'm out of control now
Tired enough to lay my own soul down

-Gnarls Barkley